Libel The Bible

Atrocities

GibeahsCrime
Knock. Knock. Who's there? Homosexual Rape Gang. Please don't rape this strange man I have taken in. Please, take his concubine and my virgin daughter and do what you will to them. Alright, just take the concubine and rape her to death.

Judges 19:22-30: Gibeah's Crime:

...the men of the city, a perverse lot, surrounded the house..."Bring out the man who came into your house, so that we may have intercourse with him." "No, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. Since this man is my guest, do not do this vile thing. Here are my virgin daughter and his concubine...Ravish them and do whatever you want to them, but against this man do not do such a vile thing." ...They wantonly raped her and abused her all through the night until the morning...

Episode 70
Jabesh-Gilead
Hey, who didn't show up for the meeting? Jabesh-Gilead, huh? Go kill every man, woman, child, and animal - except for 400 virgins. We'll give them to the remaining Benjaminites who chose Civil War over giving up rapists, and then proceeded to hide like little bitches after running from the battle.

Judges 21: The Benjaminites Saved from Extinction:

...not one of the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead was there..."Go, put the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead to the sword, including the women and the little ones...they found among the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead four hundred young virgins...when the young women of Shiloh come out to dance...come out of the vineyards and...carry off a wife...and go to the land of Benjamin

Episode 70
SamsonRiddle
Hey! Solve this riddle and I'll give you 30 party outfits. Wait?!? You got the answer from my wife?!? Watch where I get your fucking party clothes from!

Judges 14:19: Samson’s Marriage:

Then the spirit of the Lord rushed on him, and he went down to Ashkelon. He killed thirty men of the town, took their spoil, and gave the festal garments to those who had explained the riddle.

Episode 68
SamsonFoxes
Ya know, tying animals tails together and attaching a torch to them to spread fire and destruction is just mischief. In fact, "This time, when I do mischief to the Philistines, I will be without blame." Hope they don't kill my wife and father because of my antics!

Samson Defeats the Philistines: Judges 15:4-6:

So Samson went and caught three hundred foxes and took some torches, and he turned the foxes tail to tail and put a torch between each pair of tails. When he had set fire to the torches, he let the foxes go into the standing grain of the Philistines and burned up the shocks and the standing grain, as well as the vineyards and olive groves...So the Philistines came up and burned her and her father.

Episode 68
JephthahsDaughter
"Yahweh! If you give the Ammonites into my hand, I'll burn up whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me as an offering to you!" (finally gonna get rid of that nagging wife of mine....MUHAHAHAHA)

Judges 11: Jephthah’s Vow / Jephthah’s Daughter:

Then Jephthah came to his home at Mizpah, and there was his daughter coming out to meet him with timbrels and with dancing. Ruh Roh.

Episode 67
Jael
Hey Jael, mind if I hide out under your rug for a bit? Sure, Sisera. Pay no attention to this hammer and tent peg I have in my hands.

Judges 4:17: Deborah and Barak:

"Please give me a little water to drink, for I am thirsty." So she opened a skin of milk and gave him a drink and covered him. He said to her, "Stand at the entrance of the tent, and if anybody comes and asks you, 'Is anyone here?' say, 'No.' " But Jael wife of Heber took a tent peg and took a hammer in her hand and went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple, until it went down into the ground—he was lying fast asleep from weariness—and he died.

Episode 64
hailstones
Aww, look...five armies are fleeing from the might of Israel. Should I let them go? Nah. I think I’ll kill them all with hailstones thrown from heaven.

Joshua 10:11: The Sun Stands Still:

As they fled before Israel, while they were going down the slope of Beth-horon, the Lord threw down huge stones from heaven on them as far as Azekah, and they died; there were more who died because of the hailstones than the Israelites killed with the sword.

Episode 60
Joshua
Ah, massacred everyone in five kingdoms. Our work today is done. No? You want some more macabre shit?

Joshua 10:26-27: Five Kings Defeated:

Afterward Joshua struck them down and put them to death, and he hung them on five trees. And they hung on the trees until evening. At sunset Joshua commanded, and they took them down from the trees and threw them into the cave where they had hidden themselves; they set large stones against the mouth of the cave that remain to this very day.

Episode 60
hamstring
PETA? Fuck PETA. Go cut those horses' hamstrings!

Joshua 11:6-9: The United Kings of Northern Canaan Defeated:

And the Lord said to Joshua, “...you shall hamstring their horses...” ...And Joshua did to them as the Lord had commanded him; he hamstrung their horses and burned their chariots with fire.

Episode 60
Death
Moses? PFFT. He killed what, 2 or 3 kings? Please. 31 Kings and all their people, Bitches!

Joshua 12:7-24: The Kings Conquered by Joshua:

The following are the kings of the land whom Joshua and the Israelites defeated on the west side of the Jordan...thirty-one kings in all.

Episode 60
mantle
Spies didn't do their jobs properly and we were defeated! Let's blame this guy for taking a mantle off someone's fireplace! Kill him, his wife, his kids, his animals...

Joshua 7:1-26: The Sin of Achan and Its Punishment:

Then Joshua and all Israel with him took Achan son of Zerah, with the silver, the mantle, and the bar of gold, with his sons and daughters, with his oxen, donkeys, and sheep, and his tent and all that he had, and they brought them up to the Valley of Achor. Joshua said, “Why did you bring trouble on us? The Lord is bringing trouble on you today.” And all Israel stoned him to death; they burned them with fire, cast stones on them, and raised over him a great heap of stones that remains to this day.

Episode 59
god
Great, you killed all of Ai's warriors but we have a quota of 12,000 murders for today! Now go finish the job by killing all of the women and children.

Joshua 8:24: Ai Captured by a Stratagem and Destroyed:

When Israel had finished killing all the inhabitants of Ai in the open wilderness where they pursued them, and when all of them to the very last had fallen by the edge of the sword, all Israel returned to Ai and attacked it with the edge of the sword. The total of those who fell that day, both men and women, was twelve thousand—all the people of Ai. For Joshua did not draw back his hand with which he stretched out the sword until he had utterly destroyed all the inhabitants of Ai.

Episode 59
god
Oh, damn it. I forgot to tell you new jacks to lop it off. Everyone! Line up, we have plenty of flint knives to go around. But, I'm 35! Anyone who hasn't been chopped, let's go! There's a million of us. Where are we gonna put them all? Place them all...Here! Make a mountain of them if you need to.

Josuha 5:2: The New Generation Circumcised:

At that time the Lord said to Joshua, “Make flint knives and circumcise the Israelites a second time.” So Joshua made flint knives and circumcised the Israelites at Gibeath-haaraloth. (Hill Of The Foreskins) Although all the people who came out had been circumcised, yet all the people born on the journey through the wilderness after they had come out of Egypt had not been circumcised.

Episode 58
god
Let's get this blood-lust party started! Take your sharp metal weapons and slice into the bodies of everyone. Yes, even the women. Yes, even the children. Yes, even the animals.

Joshua 6:17: Jericho Taken and Destroyed:

The city and all that is in it shall be devoted to the Lord for destruction. Only Rahab the prostitute and all who are with her in her house shall live because she hid the messengers we sent...Then they devoted to destruction by the edge of the sword all in the city, both men and women, young and old, oxen, sheep, and donkeys.

Episode 58
god
No penis? NO WAY! Yahweh hates Trans people and victims of horrific accidents.

Deuteronomy 23:1: Those Excluded from the Assembly:

No one whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off shall come into the assembly of the Lord.

Episode 53
god
You must kill everything that breathes! Kill all these people, because...ya know...so you don't learn to do bad things from them!

Deuteronomy 20:16: Rules of Warfare:

But as for the towns of these peoples that the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance, you must not let anything that breathes remain alive. Indeed, you shall annihilate them...just as the Lord your God has commanded, so that they may not teach you to do all the abhorrent things that they do for their gods

Episode 51
god
So you just got done slaughtering that family as I have instructed you to do, huh? Hold up. The wife is hot? You want her for yourself? By all means...you just need to do this first...

Deuteronomy 21:10: Female Captives:

When you go out to war against your enemies and the Lord your God hands them over to you and you take them captive, suppose you see among the captives a beautiful woman whom you desire and want...bring her home to your house: she shall shave her head, pare her nails, discard her captive’s garb, and remain in your house a full month mourning for her father and mother; after that you may go in to her and be her husband...

Episode 51
god
Your kids are acting up? Get them stoned! Marijuana? No, no no, no. Not marijuana.

Deuteronomy 21:18: Rebellious Children:

If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father and mother, who does not heed them when they discipline him, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his town at the gate of that place. They shall say to the elders of his town, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the town shall stone him to death.

Episode 51
god
If a husband lies about his wife's virginity...make him pay a fine and he's stuck with her for life - ya know, to punish him. A woman lied about her own virginity?!? STONE HER TO DEATH!

Deuteronomy 22:13: Laws concerning Sexual Relations:

The elders of that town shall take the man and punish him; they shall fine him one hundred shekels of silver...he shall not be permitted to divorce her as long as he lives. If, however, ... (we even think she lied about her virginity) ...the men of her town shall stone her to death...

Episode 51
god
Oh Aaron! My loyal mouthpiece. Come see me atop Mount Hor, please. BLAM! DEAD!

Numbers 33:38: The Stages of Israel’s Journey from Egypt:

Aaron the priest went up Mount Hor at the command of the Lord and died there in the fortieth year after the Israelites had come out of the land of Egypt, on the first day of the fifth month. Aaron was one hundred twenty-three years old when he died on Mount Hor.

Episode 41
moses
It's not enough that we won the war! Kill the women that slept with our men. Kidnap the rest for yourselves. Oh, and kill all the male children for good measure.

Numbers 31:13: Return from the War:

Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known a man by sleeping with him. But all the young girls who have not known a man by sleeping with him, keep alive for yourselves.

Episode 40
god
Wait. You need water?!? Now you ain't making it to the promised land!

Numbers 20:12: The Waters of Meribah:

But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me, to show my holiness before the eyes of the Israelites, therefore you shall not bring this assembly into the land that I have given them."

Episode 37
god
Ya know what? Not making it to the promised land isn't enough of a punishment. Time to kill Aaron...in front of his son.

Numbers 20:24: The Death of Aaron:

Moses did as the Lord had commanded; they went up Mount Hor in the sight of the whole congregation. Moses stripped Aaron of his vestments and put them on his son Eleazar, and Aaron died there on the top of the mountain.

Episode 37
god
Wait...you WANT to kill and destroy? Now you're talking my language! Take these Canaanites...and these Amorites...and Bashan...

Numbers 21: The Bronze Serpent:

Israel made a vow to the Lord and said, "If you will indeed give this people into our hands, then we will utterly destroy their towns." The Lord listened to the voice of Israel and handed over the Canaanites, and they utterly destroyed them and their towns...
So they killed him, his sons, and all his people, until there was no survivor left, and they took possession of his land.

Episode 37
god
HOLY SHIT! How can you still be complaining?!? Here's some poisonous serpents.

Numbers 21:4: The Bronze Serpent:

The people spoke against God and against Moses, "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we detest this miserable food." Then the Lord sent poisonous serpents among the people, and they bit the people, so that many Israelites died.

Episode 37
god
What? You question whether your congregation of malnourished farmers, women, and children should attack the formidable defenses of Caanan?!? All but Moses and Aaron will be consumed! OK, just Korah's, Dathan's, and Abiram's people.

Numbers 16:20: Revolt of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram:

The earth opened its mouth and swallowed them up, along with their households-everyone who belonged to Korah and all their goods. So they with all that belonged to them went down alive into Sheol; the earth closed over them, and they perished from the midst of the assembly.

Episode 36
god
Wait. You're still not listening?!? "Get away from this congregation, so that I may consume them in a moment." Take this plague, you Stiff-Necks!

Numbers 16:41: Revolt of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram:

Those who died by the plague were fourteen thousand seven hundred, besides those who died in the affair of Korah.

Episode 36
moses
I am so sick of Korah's shit. I'll fix his ass. "Hey, Korah! Send 250 of your best men over with some incense and we'll work this out!"

Numbers 16:16: Revolt of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram:

And fire came out from the Lord and consumed the two hundred fifty men offering the incense.

Episode 36
god
...so the spies say Canaan is too strong for you to invade? You wanna go back to Egypt? I can't even tell you how many of you I just sentenced to death...

Numbers 14:26: An Attempted Invasion Is Repulsed:

...your dead bodies shall fall in this very wilderness, and of all your number included in the census from twenty years old and up who have complained against me, not one of you shall come into the land in which I swore to settle you, except Caleb son of Jephunneh and Joshua son of Nun...your dead bodies shall fall in this wilderness. And your children shall be shepherds in the wilderness for forty years and shall suffer for your faithlessness, until the last of your dead bodies lies in the wilderness...in this wilderness they shall come to a full end, and there they shall die...

Episode 35
god
...10 of you 12 spies brought bad news about what you saw in Canaan. It's YOUR fault the people despise me. 10 out of 12 messengers are getting shot (with a plague)!

Numbers 14:36: An Attempted Invasion Is Repulsed:

And the men whom Moses sent to spy out the land who returned and made all the congregation complain against him by bringing a bad report about the land, the men who brought an unfavorable report about the land died by a plague before the Lord. But Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh alone remained alive, of those men who went to spy out the land.

Episode 35
god
What? You're sick of this delicious manna? You want some meat? I'll give you some f%*king meat...and plague you while you eat!

Numbers 11:31: The Quails:

You shall eat...until it comes out of your nostrils and becomes loathsome to you

But while the meat was still between their teeth, before it was consumed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord struck the people with a very great plague.

Episode 34
god
Disobey me? I'm bringing the terror...wild animals will eat your children, and then YOU shall eat the flesh of your sons, and you shall eat the flesh of your daughters.

Leviticus 26:14: Penalties for Disobedience:

Really, it's not enough to eat another human - you need to cannibalize your own children. Seriously, this is only a snippet of the threats he lays upon his people. This part should be required reading.

Episode 30
god
Nope - you offered up this human sacrifice to me! NO BACKSIES! (Don't worry, I will consider them most holy...as I slaughter them.)

Leviticus 27:28: Votive Offerings:

Nothing that a person owns that has been devoted to destruction for the Lord, be it human or animal or inherited landholding, may be sold or redeemed...No human beings who have been devoted to destruction can be ransomed; they shall be put to death.

Episode 30
god
While involved in some heated fisticuffs, y'all best not blaspheme the name! (whatever the F that means)

Leviticus 24: 13-23: Blasphemy and Its Punishment:

One who blasphemes the name of the Lord shall be put to death; the whole congregation shall stone the blasphemer. Moses spoke thus to the Israelites, and they took the blasphemer outside the camp and stoned him to death. The Israelites did as the Lord had commanded Moses.

Episode 29
god
Hey, You! What are you doing over there? What? Working? Now you are DESTROYED!

Leviticus 23:26: The Day of Atonement:

For those who do not humble themselves during that entire day shall be cut off from the people. And anyone who does any work during that entire day, such a one I will destroy from the midst of the people. You shall do no work.

Episode 28
god
Nice ink! You do remember what I told you about tattoos, right? Ooh...you gonna get it!

Leviticus 19:28: Ritual and Moral Holiness:

You shall not make any gashes in your flesh for the dead or tattoo any marks upon you: I am the Lord.

Episode 27
pride
LOVE IS LOVE. FUCK OFF, "god"! Happy PRIDE Month, EVERYone!

Leviticus 18:22: Sexual Relations:

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.

Episode 26
WTC
I'm burning all of these people for worshiping some idol! Please don't! OK. And then this Moses character did this:

Exodus 32:25: The Golden Calf:

When Moses saw that the people were out of control...Moses stood in the gate of the camp and said, Who is on the Lord’s side? Come to me! And all the sons of Levi gathered around him...Put your sword on your side, each of you! Go back...and each of you kill your brother, your friend, and your neighbor....and about three thousand of the people fell on that day. Moses said...brought a blessing on yourselves this day.

9-11 much, Moses? Infidels worshiping a different god? Let's recruit some fanatics and have them fly a plane into our neighbors, our friends, our brothers...

MOSES IS WORSE THAN GARBAGE.

Episode 21
god
You shall not permit a female sorcerer to live!

Exodus 22:18: Social and Religious Laws:

Da fuq?

Episode 18
god
"Hey, Moses. Pretend to be lost and I'll convince Pharaoh to come after you. And then I'll drown them all!"

Exodus 14:26: The Pursuers Drowned:

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand over the sea, so that the water may come back upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots and chariot drivers.” So Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and at dawn the sea returned to its normal depth. As the Egyptians fled before it, the Lord tossed the Egyptians into the sea. The waters returned and covered the chariots and the chariot drivers, the entire army of Pharaoh that had followed them into the sea; not one of them remained.

Episode 15
god
"Not letting my people go, eh? Now I'm going to kill all of your first-born." Wait. Weren't you controlling the Pharaoh's heart and created this whole situation just as another excuse to commit mass murder, AGAIN? False-flag much?

Exodus 12:29: The Tenth Plague: Death of the Firstborn:

At midnight the Lord struck down all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh who sat on his throne to the firstborn of the prisoner who was in the dungeon and all the firstborn of the livestock. Pharaoh arose in the night, he and all his officials and all the Egyptians, and there was a loud cry in Egypt, for there was not a house without someone dead.

Episode 14
pharaoh
Kill all the Hebrew newborn sons! No? OK. Then throw them in the Nile!

Exodus 1: The Israelites Are Oppressed:

When you act as midwives to the Hebrew women and see them on the birthstool, if it is a son, kill him, but if it is a daughter, she shall live.

No? OK. How about...

Every son that is born to the Hebrews you shall throw into the Nile, but you shall let every daughter live.

Episode 12
moses
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce you to the hero of Exodus? MOSES! What? He's out murdering someone? OK, we'll wait...

Exodus 2: Moses Flees to Midian:

He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people. He looked this way and that, and seeing no one he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.

Episode 12
god
Damn it! I didn't do a proper background check on Moses! Guess I gots ta kill'm! UNLESS, someone can slap him with a freshly-cut, bloody foreskin.

Exodus 4: Moses Returns to Egypt:

On the way, at a place where they spent the night, the Lord met him and tried to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son's foreskin, touched his feet with it, and said, "Truly you are a bridegroom of blood to me!" So he let him alone.

Episode 12
twoMen
Insane Bro Posse: We don't like our brother, Joseph. Let's kill him and throw him in a pit.
Slightly Less Insane Bro: Chill. Chill. Chill. Let's sell him into slavery and tell Dad he was mauled and hauled off by some wild beast.

Genesis 27:12: Joseph Is Sold by His Brothers:

When some Midianite traders passed by they drew Joseph up, lifting him out of the pit, and sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty pieces of silver.

Episode 9
man3
Onan, go impregnate your dead brother's wife!

Genesis 38:8:

Then Judah said to Onan, Go in to your brother's wife (widow) ... and knock her up.
Onan keeps hitting that but keeps pulling out.
god strikes him dead.

Episode 9
man3
"What? There's a pregnant prostitute in town? Let's burn the whore alive! Wait. What? She's my daughter-in-law...AND I'm the father?!? Maybe we forgo the stake?"

Genesis 38:15:

Judah saw her, he thought her a prostitute...Come, let me come into you.
3 months later, the scuttlebutt says his daughter-in-law is pregnant due to her whoredom.
"Bring her out, and let her be burned." Maury: Judah...you ARE the father!

Episode 9
twoMen
The rape of Dinah and it's atrocious aftermath.

Genesis 34: The Rape of Dinah:

Shechem rapes Dinah; his father offers peace to her family; EVERY male gets circumcised as part of the deal; while they're recovering from their surgery, two of Dinah's brothers kill EVERY adult male in the city; her other brothers plunder the homes and make the women and children their prey.

Episode 8
sisters
Your bodies, OUR choices!

Genesis 30:

Another pair of sisters gets together to commit sex crimes. Rachel and Leah decide that their husband, Jacob, should use their "maids", Bilhah and Zilpah, in a birth-off.

Episode 7
god
"Your body, MY choice!"

Occurrences thus far: 3:

Genesis 20:18: "For the lord had closed fast all the wombs..."

Genesis 29:31: "When the lord saw that Leah was unloved, he opened her womb; but Rachel was barren."

Genesis 30:2 & 22: Jacob: "Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?" ... Then god remembered Rachel, and god heeded her and opened her womb.

Episode 5
murderYourSon
Yo, Abraham! I'm gonna need you to go ahead and murder that son of yours. Wait! What are you doing?!? It was a joke! (Except it wasn't a joke.)

Genesis 22: The Command to Sacrifice Isaac:

"Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering..." It was a sick, depraved, twisted test of loyalty. Add psychological and emotional torture to the list.

Episode 5
man4
Abraham says, "I didn't lie about my wife being my sister!"

Genesis 20:12: Abraham and Sarah at Gerar:

Besides, she is indeed my sister, the daughter of my father but not the daughter of my mother, and she became my wife.

Episode 5
man2
Hey, crazy mob of rapists, why should I give to you these men I've never met before? PLEASE rape my two virgin daughters instead!

Genesis 19:8:

Lot: "I beg you my brothers (actually, a mob of complete stranger, psycho, rapists), do not act so wickedly. Look, I have two daughters who have not known a man; let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please; only do nothing to these men (two complete strangers that were spending the night), for they have come under the shelter of my roof." Bros before Hoes Marauders before Daughters, I guess.

Episode 4
god
Y'all in the twin cities are SOOOO depraved. Have some fire and brimstone!

Genesis 19:12: Sodom and Gomorrah Destroyed:

Alright, this one may be excusable. I mean, apparently the price of admission to Sodom is a good, old-fashioned, rape. We don't hear much about Gomorrah, but if it was anything like Sodom, with not 5 righteous people to be found, maybe it was their comeuppance, as well. I'm a little confused as to why Lot was spared, with his Marauders Before Daughters mindset, but his wife was turned to a pillar of salt just for peeking at the destruction.

Episode 4
sisters
"Let's get dad whacked." "OK." "Then, let's rape him." "Uhm...OK." "Let's get pregnant by him!" "I LOVE this plan!"

Genesis 19:30-38:

Some may say that turnabout is fair play. After all, Lot tried to throw these nameless daughters to marauding rapists not too long ago. Moab and Ammon are born of incestuous rape. This book doesn't go any lower, does it?!?

Episode 4
god
You'll outgrow me if you live too long!

Genesis 6:3:

Then the lord said, My spirit shall not abide in mortals forever, for they are flesh; their days shall be one hundred twenty years.

Episode 3
god
Mistakes were made. I regret just about everything I've created. Have some water.

Genesis 6:6,7:

And the lord was sorry that he had made humankind on the earth ... people together with animals ... for I am sorry that I have made them.

All but 8 humans and a couple of each animal were horrifically wiped out by drowning. The ultimate example of, I brought you into this world, I'll take you out!

Episode 3
man1
I got drunk and passed out naked! Nothing left to do but enslave my grandson for seeing me like that!

Genesis 9:21:

Noah gets drunk, naked, and passes out. His sons respectfully cover their father. Noah wakes the next day horribly embarrassed and decrees that his grandson will now be a slave to his sons.

Episode 3
god
What's with all this peace, unity, and cooperation?!? FUCK OUTTA HERE!

Genesis 11:

Humanity all spoke the same language. In joyous cooperation they build a tower that reached towards the heavens. Full of hope for the future... god feels threatened so he scatters the people throughout the Earth and makes it so they can not understand each other.

Episode 3
god
Get out of this garden in Eden...because you ate some fruit I put right in front of you!

Genesis 3: The First Sin and Its Punishment:

One sin and...to woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pangs in childbearing...and your husband shall rule over you." To man he said, "cursed is the ground because of you, you'll eat shit the rest of your life, you ain't nothing but dust." "Now get the hell out of paradise - and when you gone, you stay gone." Over-react much?

Episode 2
god
I hate Brussel Sprouts!

Genesis 4:21: Cain Murders Abel:

Pitchfork to the face. First murder. I'm not saying this is god's fault but he loved Abel's meat and scoffed at Cain's vegetables...I'm not saying Cain's reaction was right...but I can understand.

Episode 2